


Staring Contests and Contemplations

by mymemesareiconicmydepressionischronic



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dave Strider Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider's Bad Parenting, Dirk Strider Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dirk Strider and Dave's Bro Aren't the Same Person, Dirk Strider needs a hug, Dirk's Bro | Alpha Dave Strider's Bad Parenting, Dream Bubbles, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Other, POV Dirk Strider, Past Relationship(s), not stridercest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-20 02:43:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20667992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymemesareiconicmydepressionischronic/pseuds/mymemesareiconicmydepressionischronic
Summary: Your name is Dirk Strider, and you seriously need to talk to someone.Of course, that's difficult when you've left everyone behind to stew in your own mental fears.AKA, Dirk reminisces about the nature of himself and his relations with everyone else after making a piss-poor choice.





	Staring Contests and Contemplations

Your name is now Dirk Strider, and you’re currently sitting on the floor of your apartment in a staring contest with the shades that contain Hal.

Well, not all of that statement is accurate. You are, in fact, in a staring contest with the shades that contain your asshole personality – but you are not in your apartment, merely the memory of it.  
If the clock you always keep by you – courtesy of Dave Strider – is accurate, then you have been living in the Dream Bubble for exactly six months and twelve days. When you had left the company of the other still living members of the various games, you had been apprehensive but that quickly faded away once you were placed back into the comfortably familiar silence.  
Being in the Dream Bubble has deprived you of some basic needs, which has made things vastly easier. You no longer have the need to eat, drink, or even breathe air – but your continuation of these habits is purely for the ironic purposes of leveling yourself down from the immortal standpoint you now find yourself in.  
At least, that’s what you tell yourself. Because of Hal’s continued existence in your life though, you’ve had some time to reflect on what your personality is like from an outside perspective, which has led to some disturbing discoveries on your own part. The depression wasn’t much of a surprise, being around Rose for any amount of time will result in a diagnosis that, most of the time, is eerily accurate. The Imposter Syndrome wasn’t much of a shock either, once you learned the definition.  
What did trouble you were her insights into your upbringing. She had some things to say about your bro/dad/general parental fuck-up that ended with you absconding from the conversation.  
Most of the reason you left was, honestly, that conversation. That and the talks you had with Dave.

You’re a Strider, so you can take the fact that your bro neglected you in pretty good stride. You can even take the diagnosis of separation anxiety, C-PTSD, and megalomania well (never mind the few days you spent locked in your room).  
But when you talked to Dave about your own parental issues and he opened up as well… It sent you on a serious anxious spiral in which you were terrified to be around your ecto-bro. You always knew you were capable of doing serious harm, which is why you made Hal. You can bullshit everyone else all you want, saying he was made just for practicality, but the reality is you don’t want to hurt your friends so place someone else in charge of basic socialization.  
You always knew you could hurt someone, but knowing you’ve done it? Sure Rose assured you that Bro – as Dave knew him – was just a splinter of your personality as a result of the Scratch, but you just can’t shake the late-night thoughts of what might actually drive you to hurt someone – no, a child like that.

So you left. You did it in the middle of the night when you ended up passing through a Dream Bubble. Everyone else went in as well, but they were all asleep, and you just stayed there. Granted by the fact that no one has tried to contact you or get you has assured your own thoughts that they’re glad you’re gone. And honestly? You’re glad you’re gone too.  
Dave is safer without the possibility of you harming him, Roxy is better off without you being around to try and play peacemaker between her, Jane, and Jake.  
Jake… Is undoubtedly better off without you. You fucked up big time when you were together, and you’re glad that he’s away from you now.  
And it’s not like you’re totally alone here. You have Hal, and with you finally starting to recognize your own shitty personality, he’s been a tad more amiable to interacting with you in a not totally antagonistic way.

Speaking of which, you’ve totally lost the staring contest. You fully expected it, but the small laugh of triumph that the glasses give is still wholly unsatisfying. You shove aside that pile of bullshit for later though and shove the Hal-Shades back atop your face and go to wander about your apartment.  
You’re bored, and even though you don’t have to eat, you’re thinking that a big bowl of cereal and a long nap sounds great right now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading!


End file.
